What if....

Hollywood made a sequel, a mash-up of "Precious" and "Blind Side"

Synopsis:

Boy "Big Mike" goes NFL pro & buys real-life Sandra Bullock's house right out of Oscar Headlines messy divorce from Jesse. Big Mike then meets Precious after sitting ringside at "Celebrity Death Match" between Precious and Kirstie Alley, Weight Watcher's Biggest Gainer. Precious wins when tag teammate, Aretha Franklin, throws a whole fried turkey in the ring which distracts Kirstie long enough for Precious to take down the bitch. Precious, victorious, and with a half-eaten turkey protruding from her mouth, eyes Big Mike and the two lock eyes (of course we're not sure if Big Mike isn't really wanting the turkey). It's love at first bite....

The two marry and together, Precious with "huh new Baby Daddy"- replace the Neeleys on the Food Network and make a fortune with "Precious Down Home Harlem Cooking" show. Precious then becomes " The New Oprah" because the old Oprah finally lost it and strangled the hella outta Gayle over her affair with Dr. Phil (that's a whole other movie) "The Bitch had it comin.... Dat Ho belonged to ME!!" Oprah was heard screaming as they hauled her away!

THIS HAS OSCAR WRITTEN ALL OVER IT...