I don't like it when my faults are brought up, but sometimes I need to know. I know the occasional "kick in the pants" is never fun... I feel hurt and embarrassed for days! I loose my appetite and just want to crawl into a hole, but that's not good for me either.
I have posted my beliefs on this blog, some of those things I recently haven't lived up to. Do I need to remember to add the phrase "I always try..." to any of my statements? I know I have to be more aware of what I say and how it's said!
How does one learn to take criticism better? How do I not beat myself up over it too?
Any words of advice is appreciated!
6 comments:
It depends on the context. If you said, "I always try to be a hottie", then no one could possibly criticize you :-)
I had two employees, Chris and Kenny, who just could not take criticism and would get very upset when I pointed out their errors. I spoke to each individually and let them know that in order to get better on the job they needed to know where to concentrate their efforts, and my criticism is just a way to get them to direct their concentration.
Chris took it to heart and understood the wisdom of this and from then on he appreciated the criticism and many times even asked for it.
Kenny rejected the idea. In his mind he was perfect and he continued to come up with wild outlandish excuses for all of his errors.
A few months later we needed to lay off one guy in my department, and guess who I chose? That's right. Kenny's inability to deal with criticism cost him his job.
My advice to you is to accept the criticism as a sign that the person cares enough about you that he's trying to get you to improve yourself. If he didn't care about you he wouldn't bother.
You may also want to think of criticism like the gas gauge in your car. When it gets below 1/4 tank you don't have to pull over and start crying right then and there, but you know you'll need to deal with the problem fairly soon, because if you don't something bad will happen.
criticism comes in different forms. it may be malicious. mr. b. was severely criticize by his boss for something that is very minor in the past two months. the boss did it deliberately in front of his staff and other other top management in several occasions. mr. b. decided to quit his job after 7 years. incidentally, today is his last day
Slap? Or SNAP?! Putting it all out there on one's blog, Facebook or otherwise keeps us committed and focused. It also allows anyone, at anytime, to call us on it. Yikes. I think you and I can take it like real men. Some cannot. And we can't do it 100% of the time...nobody can. Being open, and honest, with ourselves and others comes with age and maturity. Although I'm not always good at it, I try to be INVITATIONAL (open) rather than CONFRONTATIONAL (closed).
I don't like my faults are brought up neither.
We have no control over what other people say or do, we can only control how we react to it. If you receive criticism, determine if it was given in the spirit of helping you improve or bringing you down. Learn from the former, ignore the latter. None of us are perfect so it is common to fall short of our goals and who we want to be. I think adding "trying" to your goals is smart, because you are not a failure so long as you keep trying, even if you don't always "or ever" succeed. I know the emotions your feeling and take criticism hard but you work through it, change if you need to (or try) and move on. So long as you never become so arrogant as to believe everyone else must be wrong because you are perfect and have no time to listen or absorb what others have to say in regards to their interactions with you (and, believe me, there are many people like that out there) I think you'll be fine. I don't know if you can honestly change how you feel inside when someone criticizes you (I've never been able to avoid feeling the guilt and shame and anger)but you can determine what you do with those feelings. For me, trying to determine on my own when I'm wrong before others nail me on it helps: Just be very self aware - you'd be amazed at how good you can become at constructively self-criticizing and adjusting as needed.
Sorry you had to go through this. The fact that you care enough to examine it and the reasons for it speak volumes on the type of person you are.
Taking criticism is never easy; and while we are a nasty blunt country we are prudes when it comes to giving real criticism, lest it offend/hurt ones feelings.
First, realize we always bristle/want to get defensive when we hear criticism. So breathe, pause, then look at the contents - is there something valid therein? If so, take it and reflect on it. Just don't mistake it for the delivery.
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