Thanks everyone for your interesting questions. Leave more if you would like.
I will answer all questions!
Why did you get cold feet? Is there something you wouldn't like to discuss?
How was it growing up gay in your religious environment? Did you manage to explore your sexuality while being there?
I thought I'd start with his questions first since it addressed my deleting the blog entry and then re-posting it.
Q: Why did you get cold feet?
A: I felt unsure if I really wanted to share that much about myself. Sometimes if you reveal too much or something too close to home (or a sore spot) you can end up feeling exposed and vulnerable. I don't like that feeling. But... I can still answer any question with a little humor or a little "nunya business" type of answer if I want, this is my blog after all and I can write what I want to!
Q: Is there something you wouldn't like to discuss?
A: I won't disclose anything that would be asked on a credit application. I also don't like the question that most gay men love to ask or wonder about other gay man. For a lack of better words I'll put it this way; "are you the mommy or the daddy"? Nunya business! Unless we're together and nekkid, then you'll find out for yourself!
Q: How was it growing up gay in your religious environment?
A: Rough! I was continually told that I should be a certain kind of person.
I knew I didn't fit into the mold that everyone expected of me. I did everything I could to change myself. I took my church leader's word that God will change me, then I beat myself up and felt unloved by God when I wasn't miraculously (magically) changed. I denied myself happiness. Mormonism isn't just a religion, it's a way of life. Everything you do has to do with the church. When you finally grow up and move away from family and the restrictions you run wild. I had very low self-esteem, in fact I hated myself.
Q: Did you manage to explore your sexuality while being there?
A: Not until I was over 21 yrs old. I was living in Utah when I had my first experience with a man, but nothing during my two year mission in New Zealand.
I'll talk about the last question more as I answer other questions. I don't want to bore y'all by one super long post.