February 28, 2011

Half way


It's only six months until Jimmas 5.0

This will be a difficult six months for me. Turning thirty was easy. Forty was no problem. Forty five, eh, no big deal. But hitting the half century mark is traumatic for me. I feel like I'm off my game.

Why am I grumbling like this?


February 27, 2011

Secrets Revealed

Here is the answer to my last post; which one of my secret desires is a lie!

Y'all know I love to dance! I think the first one was obvious.
Will this dream ever happen? It could! All I need is a sugar daddy that will whisk me off to Argentina with a bolero jacket and a pair of dance shoes (cha-cha heels as Dr. Spo would say)!

The second obvious one is about my photography. Of course I would love to have an exhibit of one of my favorite hobbies.

I sang in choir in high school and college which included some solos. I have sang karaoke once and was told I did well. I would need lessons and lots of practice but I do love to sing. I know I wouldn't ever win American Idol, but only because I'm too old. LOL

I would love to have my voice heard and make a difference in some small way in some sort of political office. Would this happen? Again, I would need that sugar daddy to get me started with a big campaign donation.

Which leaves the last one; the lie.

Nope! Never want to do porn. I don't want to share that much with the world... and those images will be out there forever! Those are private things only shared with that person in that moment.

February 26, 2011

Secret desires

I often don't share my secrets in such a public forum but I thought this would be something fun.

One of the secrets I list below is a lie; guess which one it is!

I secretly would love to:

Travel to Buenos Aries to dance the tango in a milongas.

Enter a singing contest.

Be a porn star.

Have an art exhibit of my photography.

Run for a political office.

Which one do you think is the lie?

February 24, 2011

Man in the mirror

Low self-esteem seems to be common in society today! I am continually surprised that people have such a low opinion of themselves. Why is that?

I know I had a difficult time with self-esteem when I was growing up; my self-worth was extremely low. I was very self conscious and worried about what people thought of me. I got more confidence as I got older and a few years ago I had a breakthrough and finally felt great about myself! I really was happy in my own skin!

Well, as I approach the mid-century mark I'm starting to go backwards. I think I've identified what my issue is; I think I have this mental image of myself as a young 40 year old guy. And what I see in the mirror is something else.

I don't expect to see some old guy looking back at me.

I know everyone gets older. I know life is constantly changing. I know gravity takes over and things get saggy; and creaky; and wobbly and wrinkled! UGH!

People tell me that age is just a number. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others, there always will be someone in better and in worse shape than me. Friends tell me I look great. They tell me that I'm very active and I don't look my age. But believing all that is easier said than done.

Maybe I'm just feeling fat and ugly because I'm getting over a sinus infection and haven't been to the gym in over a week!

Pity Party; table of one!


February 22, 2011

Cut Backs

The other night I was online; reading blogs, looking at emails, on Facebook, looking at porn and then for some reason (probably out of habit) I picked up my iPhone and checked another email account. I just happened to be paying my cell phone bill too. Oh oh!

Why am I paying for unlimited online usage? My cell phone bill is way more then it should be. I have just picked up the bad habit to use my iPhone for everything.

And I really don't need access to anything for the seven to eight hours I'm sleeping. It is convenient to have on during work hours to quickly check email. But would it be worth it to go into "blank stare" look while you're supposed to be at work? I don't really need to check if someone new friended me in the middle of the day. And no email is that important that the person couldn't call me. And do I really have to be accessible 24/7?

I may experience withdrawals!

Maybe I'll put the money I save each month in a travel account?

Wish me luck!

February 21, 2011

Shades of Gray

I have a theory about people and sexuality, I think I've mentioned this before.

Religions would like everyone to believe that everyone is 100% straight. Mainstream society would like us all to believe that there are straight, gay and the bisexual exactly in the middle; like black, white and the perfect shade of gray. I firmly believe that there are many shades of gray between black and white.

I think there are more women in mainstream society that are open, acknowledge and love the gray areas in themselves. Men are another story. Most put up the front that they are straight, period.

I won't cross a line with my straight guy friends; I don't want anyone uncomfortable around me, so they know I won't make any kind of pass at them. It doesn't matter if they have or don't have any gray in them. This allows us to be freer; we always hug when we greet and hug saying our goodbyes. And sometimes with said hug comes a little peck on the cheek.

I like the people who dress up for the renaissance faires, they are a little off mainstream, like I am! My "rennie" friends love that when I drink I become more open about being straight curious. I have been known to lick a boob that's bounding up over a tight bodice. Although I have never been with a woman I wouldn't say I'm 100% gay. I freely admit that I'm a little straight curious. I don't know if I would ever act on it, maybe if the time was right and it was the right person I would. But who knows?

This weekend at the faire I had some discussions with people about my theory. I would start talking to people standing near our group or I would be walking about with a friend and we would stop and talk to people. As I was admiring some nice boobage I would mention that I'm straight curious and at least three times this ended up with the husband or boyfriend of the woman (with said heaving cleavage) kissing me! Full on the lips kiss! I think they were admitting a shade of gray in themselves or maybe kissed to let me know they didn't care. Maybe it was the alcohol too! LOL

Good time... good times!

February 19, 2011

Weekend Adventures

I am headed out shortly for Austin.

This is the second season for a new Renaissance Faire and friends are gathering from all over the state. I expect a lot of drinking cider, rum and lambic. Good conversations and time spent catching up with friends that live in other areas. We'll probably pose for a lot of pictures and meet new people.

I was talking to the new coworker yesterday and was explaining the 'faire thing' to her. I know it sounds strange, maybe even weird, to some people, but I enjoy it. I have met some fantastic friends there and have been welcomed into their family.

How is this any different than people in any community that love to gather for horse shows, or tennis tournaments, for marching bands, for leather weekends, or bear weekends, or those that only hang out in the same bars every single weekend? I love the variety of people and interests that make up the human population.

Have a great weekend! Huzzah!

February 18, 2011

Snow Moon

For centuries, full moons have been given specific names by various cultures and civilizations from around the world. These special moon names helped people keep track of the seasons and were often inspired by nature and agriculture.

Since the heaviest snow usually falls during the month of February, Native American tribes of the north and east most often called this month’s full moon the Full Snow Moon.

The moon controls tides and people too! My bother was a policeman in Utah and he said that most cities beef up the police force on the night of the full moon.

Today is no exception!

I was sitting at my desk this morning when all of us heard the screech of tires and the sickening sound of crunching metal. I work on the 7th floor of a building in downtown Dallas. We ran to the windows to witness the accident that had just happened below us. I guess someone trying to run a red light t-boned another car and that car knocked down the turn signal pole.

Then a few hours later, we hear the same thing again! And almost in the exact spot. By then the day was already in crazy mode. Weird and unusual requests from clients. Coworkers in very unusual moods and just random things happening.

In the evening I went to pick up the bike from the REI shop (the last crash messed up the derailleur, again). And I saw more emergency vehicles than usual out on the roads. Weird people were out on the streets.

Just as I'm writing this I hear police sirens in my usually quiet neighborhood!

Where ever the evening finds you, be a bit crazy if you want to, but be safe!

Happy weekend y'all!

February 17, 2011

Spo-Shirt out on the town

Of course the Spo-Shirt had to go to the gayborhood while in Dallas!

And a drink or two (or three) at the Round Up Saloon.


Well, it's been a fun week with the Spo-Shirt!

It's going to be a busy weekend coming up and there's one thing more that I need to do for Dr. Spo:

February 16, 2011

Random Question Wednesday

Complete the sentence: The person who has influenced me most in my life is __________.

This is actually difficult for me to answer. A lot of people have influenced me in my life. They have influenced me in good ways and bad ways!

The bullies in school had an influence. Mormon church leaders that haven't been very inspired and bad drivers all have had a bad influence on me.

A few friends, mom and dad and a few other family members all had a good effect on me. But who has had the most influence on me?

I have some amazing friends! I have people who have been in my life who have helped me and are near and dear to me. But one person has probably been the most influential... my niece.

She is the only baby I have ever held on the day they were born. I had not even been in Dallas for a few months when she was born and I rushed up to the hospital after work and I held her in my arms. It's the most amazing feeling I've ever had!

She and I have always been close. I think we really understand each other. We both have 3 older siblings and were picked on by them. I was very much a part of her life for the first 5 years as I would often let the kids or even just her have a sleep over where we stayed up late watching TV and movies or just talking.

When she was about 5 years old my sister moved the family to Sacramento. I had just come back out, so I'm sure she heard her parents talk a lot about me. When I visited during the holidays there was a lot going on. Finally she had a minute alone with me. She decided to see for herself what her parents were talking about. She asked; "Uncle Jim, do you date girls or boys?" I laughed and told her, "I am dating a man" to which she replied; "Well, Jesus says that isn't OK" I laughed again because I'm hearing this from a 5 year old. I tell her that as long as I live a good life and am happy then Jesus will understand. She thought that was good and the conversation ended.

Now she is in the teenage fog, but we still have some interesting conversations. She has asked me a lot about what it means to be a Pagan. She even wanted me to do a Tarot card reading for her, much to her mother's dismay!

So, because of the unconditional love she has for me and our close bond. I'm naming her the person who has influenced me the most in my life.

Who has influenced you? Please leave a comment or write an entry on your own blog and let me know.

Happy Wednesday y'all!

February 15, 2011

The Spo-Shirt Tour hits Dallas

The traveling Spo-Shirt has arrived in Dallas! It was cold and nasty out when it arrived so it really lifted my spirits.

The planning began; Where in Dallas would the Spo-Shirt want to go? What activities were in store for it on it's brief visit with me?


A quick little ride on the off-road trails maybe?

The trails are still a little muddy from all the icy and snow we got last week. I don't want to get mud up the back of the Spo-Shirt! I can't have that on my conscience!

Maybe a trip to downtown Dallas?

Oh I know... a visit to Dealey Plaza.

(That truck in the background is at the exact spot, by the way)

Do you see anyone on the grassy knoll over my shoulder?

Since I have the bike and it's a beautiful sunny day, how about a bike ride around Whiterock Lake?

A good first day for the Spo-Shirt tour!

Keep checking back... the Spo-Shirt may just show up in some other places around Dallas!

February 14, 2011

A Valentine's Day gift for y'all

Not that I like hairless muscle twinks... but they do make a point!

Happy Valentine's Day!

February 12, 2011

Out of your element

I love to people watch. It's one of my favorite hobbies. Sometimes I try to guess their motivations, sometimes I try to guess their situation in life and then other times I just sit back and enjoy the show.

Last night was a perfect example of seeing people react to a situation where they were out of their element.

Friday afternoon I was told that several coworkers were going 'out for drinks' at a local watering hole. These twenty-something workmates love to congregate with other young professionals in an area of Dallas called "Uptown" for Happy Hour.

I usually don't go, but decided to go along to welcome a new co-worker. Friends of coworkers soon showed up and it because quite the gathering. New girl is also "out" to most everyone already. Someone told her; "go talk to Jim!" She came over and was asking me all about the gayborhood. The straight people chimed in and had to share their stories, they all sounded like this; "the one time I went to a gay bar, it was really fun....[blah blah blah]"

The next thing I know a group of about 11 decided it would be fun to go to the lesbyterian bar called Jack's Backyard. It's not in the gayborhood, but off the beaten path and a little more unique. New lesbohemian coworker thought this was a great idea! Straight male coworkers and their friends thought this was a good idea (because lesbians are cool and in most porn movies, aren't they?). Even the straight female coworker thought this might be fun, the last gay bar she went to was fun (of course she was at the Round Up Saloon and straight women love the attention of the gay boys at the RoundUp).

When we got there and ordered another round for everyone things started to get interesting. The straight guys realized that these muff-divers weren't like the girls in porn. Sure, there were women making out in public, but not hot ones! And no women were giving them any attention. Their body language said it all for them.[see picture] LOL

Some of the guys I know were pretty cool and are just like me, they adapted. They somehow got into a billiards game and then asked me to keep an eye out, make sure none of the more butch dykes didn't get pissed off.

Straight girl freaked out that she would be attacked if she went to the restroom alone, so she dragged me in to stand guard outside of the stall door. Oh and would I mind holding her purse? I tried really hard not to roll my eyes, but I think I did....

What I found interesting was watching people in our party who were out of their comfort zone. When I have a few drinks I talk to anyone and adapt to any situation. But aren't gay men more used to that? We constantly have to be out of our element at work and at social events because the majority of our coworkers are straight.

It was interesting. It made me of think of society's social values and how people still are not comfortable being around someone who is different.

Have y'all noticed this too?

February 10, 2011

What a ride!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

February 9, 2011

Random Question Wednesday

If you remember a childhood nightmare, tell about it.

I am a vivid dreamer. I know for sure that I dream in color. There are many dreams that I remember from when I was a child, but honestly, I don't ever recall having a nightmare.

I guess the closest thing to a nightmare would have been when I dreamed that an alligator bit my toe. The dream was so vivid that I remember waking up from just being freaked out and then immediate relief that I wasn't in any pain! Then it instantly became funny!

What dreams or nightmare do y'all remember? Leave me a comment and tell me your story.

February 8, 2011

Trending in history

Part of my interest in blogging is to talk about stuff going on in my life. How I feel about things? What do I think of things happening in the world today? It's a personal record of what is trending right now.

Besides newspapers, was there a personal record like this 100 years ago? I love to read fictional history for this reason. We know events that happened in 1911, but how many people are around that would remember what was going on, what was trending, 100 years ago. What is the rest of the story? What did everyday people think? It's interesting to go back and imagine what it was like.

February 1911.

My grandfather on my dad's side was not quite 10 years old and my grandmother was not quite 9 years old. Both grew up in the same small town in Central Utah. The area was know for coal mining and both of their parents had moved to the area in the late 1800's. This area in Utah was known for it's diversity, there were as many Greek Orthodox people as there were Mormons.

William Taft, "Big Billy" was the President of the United States. From what I read now, he wasn't a popular president, we know he wasn't well liked because he was only a one term president. Did people talk of him and what they didn't like about him? He was the largest president, 6'2" and they say he weighed over 350 pounds. He was the last president to have any facial hair. Kind of woofy looking, if you like the big bear types.

Arizona and New Mexico were not even states, only territories. Even though African Americans had been given the right to vote in the 15th Amendment their rights were not supported or enforced by President Taft. And women in 1911 did not have the right to vote!

A bolt of lightening hit the capitol building in Jefferson City, Missouri and burned the building to the ground on February 5th. People could have been talking about that. And a new baby born in Illinois would later become the 40th President (Ronald Reagan, born: 2/6/1911). The Rider-Waite tarot cards were first published in 1909, they could have been very popular by 1911. People were probably doing readings in all the popular circles.

Politics and big business. Culture and diversity. People not allowed basic rights. Local news and gossip. It doesn't sound much different than what is trending today I guess....

February 6, 2011

The truth about a gay Family

I saw this video on another blog and had to post it here:


I love his last sentence: "The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character."

I wish every American could hear this!

February 5, 2011

Question about love

If you could make someone love you, would you?

This is a question asked in a movie preview I watched for Were the World Mine.

It made me stop and think.

I know it's one of those questions like: "If you could have a superpower what would it be?" But it made me think that I may have already been doing that? Don't all of us try to do that? At least sometimes?

I have been in love; not just lust, but real, head-over-heels, with all my heart and soul, kind of love. But there have been times when I thought I was in love or wanted very badly to have someone love me that I thought I was trying to make them love me. And I have also felt that I have begged someone to love me, yet I wasn't fulfilled. There have been times too that I have longed to be in love and thought I was.

I know the saying; you have to truly love yourself before you can love someone else. And I also know that love freely given is 10 times, no 100 times better than an unrequited love.

It would be a nice fantasy to answer yes! I could probably name several celebrity men that I would if I could. But I can't, so I won't. I have tried to make someone love me, but it never worked.

I have to be content with myself and just enjoy the people in my life. Love will be given freely to me when it is least expected, and not demanded.

This epiphany should help me relax and enjoy the abundant love I have in my life now from family and friends.

February 4, 2011

Art Stuff

The Art Institute in Chicago

Windows by Marc Chagall

This was one of my favorite exhibits I saw at The Art Institute. While Jay and I were wandering around the museum we came across a symposium on the artist. We sat and listened to his granddaughter talk about his life and all the mediums that he worked in. I am very inspired by his work and his life.

February 3, 2011

Dallas stuff...

This week Dallas got a little dusting of snow and ice.

Typical for winter.

The media hype has been crazy! But I'm glad that most people took the advice of the news and didn't get out on the roads.

Is it in the news so much because so many "big game" festivity and activity have been cancelled or moved?

Oh! And who would pay $175.00 to stand in the stairway for the game? Just for an attendance record. Good grief!

February 2, 2011

February Tarot Cards

I found a new book that give another interruption of the Tarot. It prompted me to get a new deck. I decided upon a standard "old school" version of the Tarot; the Rider-Waite deck.

They say that sometimes cards show up in your readings often. Here is The High Priestess again, but reversed for this month!

What's up with her? The High Priestess usually means "I know...." Now she's telling me I don't know. I've been ignoring my intuition or have become too analytical and critical. I'm too rigid mentally or emotionally drained. OK... OK! I'll relax and trust my intuition.

Well, since I need to learn a lesson from her, I sought help from another card.

Oh no! The Knight of Swords brings news of problems and troubles. I might have a challenging month of mental conflict, anger and frustration.

I think I'll make an appointment to get a massage, I need to relax! What can I get to relax my mind?

February 1, 2011

Happy Imbolc

Groundhog Day got it's start in Pagan traditions. Imbolc is the day the Cailleach (The Goddess of Nature) gathers her firewood for the rest of the winter. Legend has it that if she intends to make the winter last a good while longer, she will make sure the weather on Imbolc is bright and sunny, so she can gather plenty of firewood. Therefore, people are generally relieved if Imbolc is a day of foul weather, as it means the Cailleach is asleep and winter is almost over.

The holiday is a festival of the hearth and home, and a celebration of the lengthening days and the early signs of spring.

Think of Imbolc as Thanksgiving celebration for what is about to happen. Have a drink and a feast, knowing that winter is passing and that food will once again be growing and plentiful.

It's 20 degrees and icy in Dallas today. I'm OK with that if it means Spring will be coming sooner! I'll open and enjoy a bottle of Lambic with a nice dinner tonight!

And Happy Groundhog Day tomorrow.